Issue 3 | Is Happiness Tied to Location?
Romanticizing your city and three things I'm enjoying this week...
a little caffeinated is a weekly newsletter by yours truly coming into your inbox like a piping hot cup of coffee… This week, grab your favorite hot (or cold) beverage, get cozy, and let’s chat about making the most of where you live…
Although I wasn’t born in Colorado, I grew up here. However, I spent most of my teens and early 20s dreaming of the moment when I would leave. It’s not that I didn’t love this place. Colorado is beautiful, and Denver and Boulder are vibrant cities, but for some reason, I imagined that life elsewhere would be better. I imagined that in a new place, I would be someone much more worldly, trying new things, having the ability to reinvent myself and that I’d be happier.
In college, I figured out that in order to be happy, I needed to study abroad. Spain was going to fix my problems. After spending hours looking at maps, reading reviews of Study Abroad programs, and city descriptions, I decided on Alicante. Alicante was indeed magical. It had a castle and a beach, so what more could I want? I excelled in my classes and fell in love with the culture and the people. I was happy, for a time.
Study abroad programs all have an expiry date. I was not going to be able to be there long-term. I came back to Colorado extremely depressed, struggled to finish university, and found a job in pharma. Being back in Colorado after studying abroad was like waking up from the most wonderful dream, and then realizing it’s not real life. I thought the solution to my problem would be to move again.
After a few years in the industry, I got a job and moved to the UK (read why I did it here). It was also pretty wonderful. I was traveling more, getting to visit and know my new country, and living my dream life. I had a solid group of friends and felt like I could make a life there. My boyfriend and I were long-distance but we were visiting each other often and got to travel to other parts of Europe for mini-getaways. I was happy, for a time.
Things started getting stressful, and I was unhappy again. I felt overworked and unappreciated and this feeling was exacerbated when layoffs hit my company and I was made redundant. I was pretty uncertain about a lot of things, but I knew I had 60 days to leave the country, due to my visa being tied directly to my employment at that place. My then-boyfriend (now-husband) told me to come to Spain, and so I did. That first year was incredible. I enjoyed my new home, my new job, spending time with my family and friends, and all the hours at the beach. I was happy, for a time.
Covid hit, then another round of layoffs. I was once again jobless, uncertain, and depressed. Oh, and trapped in our apartment due to all the pandemic restrictions. I did what everyone did during that time to try and find some semblance of normality and maybe some happiness. I exercised almost daily, made Dalgona coffee, successfully knitted a scarf, watched Tiger King, and read so many books, but I was still so unhappy. When things started opening up again, I couldn’t shake the feeling of discontentment, despite finally being able to do all the things that I thought would make me happy while we were in lockdown.
I never thought that I would willingly look for jobs back in the US, but practically, it made sense. I wasn’t going to find a job any time soon where I could recover financially in Europe, and at that moment, the lack of money was directly proportional to the lack of happiness. But if I couldn’t be happy in one of the most beautiful places with unlimited access to the Mediterranean, where could I be happy?
I moved back to Colorado - back home. It was a difficult decision and transition. I missed my husband and Europe terribly. However, I chose to not wallow and I started a new job, found a tribe, bought a condo, and started feeling some stability. Additionally, I started feeling something else… My happiness was no longer tied to where I was located, where I was working, or what I was doing. I was beginning to find contentment within myself.
The lesson in all of this is that happiness is not a place. Happiness starts with listening to your inner voice and trusting yourself. I learned that I am someone who, in order to feel happy, needs to experience wonder, novelty, and newness. I am also, paradoxically, a creature of comfort and can easily get sucked into a mundane routine. This then causes me to feel anxious and trapped. That’s what happened in my previous life in Colorado, and everywhere else. I worked, came home, worked, came home, rinse… repeat… My inner voice wanted more, but I was too tired to give it anything else.
On the journey to discovering how to experience wonder, novelty, and newness, my group of friends was instrumental in showing me how to make the most out of our city - the city I spent my whole life trying to escape. My discontentment stemmed from thinking the ‘grass is greener on the other side’ in all areas of my life, but especially where I lived. Happiness is something you have to actively cultivate, and I’ve started to experience more of it since I started romanticizing my life. I don’t have to cross oceans or go to far-off places to feel happy - I can feel it right at home.
How to romanticize the city you live in (and some suggestions for those of you in Denver)…
Go for walks in a part of town you haven’t been to recently with a good podcast, audiobook, or album you’re excited to listen to (check out these suggestions for some good walks). Walking outdoors regularly with Nala (my doggy) has been one of the most effective ways I’ve improved my mental health. Getting sunlight, fresh air, and learning something new are such underrated ways to cultivate happiness, with the added bonus that you can discover new neighborhoods, coffee shops, murals, and restaurants all at the same time.
Get a cup of coffee at a coffee shop you haven’t been to before (here is a good list to work through) and spend some time reading a new book, journaling, or even people-watching. Make a Saturday morning of it. I used to do this when I was living abroad and it made me feel like I was a main character in a movie. Sipping on a coffee (or whatever beverage you enjoy) and people-watching can be SO entertaining and it also makes you wonder what their stories are. We spend so much time looking down into our phones, that we miss a lot of life happening around us.
Go camping or picnicking nearby. When I am getting ready to go camping, it’s such a huge ordeal. It requires planning half a year in advance in order to reserve a good spot deep into the mountains. Last summer, my friends and I opted for a camping spot just outside of Denver at a reservoir and we had the best time. We didn’t need to have a grand trip to enjoy the great outdoors. We hardly spent any money on gas and we were close to home if we needed something urgent. We brought food and alcohol, my friends had paddle boards, and we spent the whole day swimming in the lake. One of the best memories of this trip (and my life) was when Nala discovered she loved to swim and proceeded to spend hours doing laps with the happiest doggy face.
Join a club or group of people that do activities you like. I’m not the most confident solo hiker, so I find myself limited to populated trails. Going with a group enabled me to get out into the wilderness and see some beautiful scenery I wouldn’t normally see on my own. It was also nice to know that people were in the same boat as me - trying to make new friends and connections. Check out Meet Up, or Facebook for groups in your area. Since not a lot of my friends are avid hikers, I had to look outside our friend group to fill that need. I found hiking and book clubs through these apps, and it’s been great getting to know new people with common interests. I have also found a community through my Crossfit gym and even joined their ice hockey team. Ice hockey has been one of the highlights of the summer for me!
Revisit places you think you already know. The last time I had been to Vail was when I was a little girl, so I had an image of what it was like and didn’t think I need to revisit it any time soon. With my friends from Spain visiting me this summer, I thought maybe it would be nice to show them the internationally famous city and spend an afternoon there. I didn’t think I was going to love it so much. Vail looks like something out of a fairytale. It made me realize that something I may have taken for granted as a child, is something I can experience differently as an adult.
Change up your nightlife routine. As comfortable as your local dive bar is, sometimes you need to change things up. The other day, I found the cutest gin and whiskey distillery near Denver Milk Market and enjoyed a nice cocktail. Another night, a friend visiting from out of town invited us to meet up with him at a fun bar in RiNo, an area I rarely frequent. I’ve lived here almost my whole life, and I’ve never really taken advantage of our vibrant nightlife and bar scene, because I go to the 2-3 bars that I know, and don’t venture elsewhere.
Do touristy things in your own city. After having done a lot of the ‘fun’ Denver things as a kid, I didn’t really think about repeating them as an adult. However, doing some of these touristy things again as an adult is such a different experience. Denver Botanic Gardens, a place I’ve been to at least a few times as a kid, was a completely different experience as an adult. For starters, I am obsessed with flowers. This year during tulip season, I had the best time walking around, catching up with my friends, taking photos of everything, and literally stopping to smell the flowers.
What is ‘greener grass’ for you? Do you think that if you had x or y, a different job, or lived in a specific place, you would be happier? Share your thoughts below!
Here are three things I’m loving this week…
📖 Magic Lessons - I love a good witchy story and this prequel to Practical Magic is great. I think I read it in one weekend. Set in the 1600s, Maria Owens is abandoned as a baby in England and eventually learns to harness witchcraft under the tutelage of her new guardian. As a young woman, she falls in love with a man and she follows him to Salem, Massachusettes, only to learn different kinds of lessons…
🎧 Embracing the Art of Being Alone with Francesca Specter (Morning Person Podcast) - (Apple links here and here) - As someone who has always been an extrovert, I used to consider alone time unnecessary and even bothersome. Lately, however, I find that I love being alone more and more and especially after spending lots of time with people (is this me getting old??), but it’s been hard to find the language to describe what I’m feeling. Nothing really gets it quite right. Francesca’s term ‘alonement’ put a positive spin on the need to be alone, and I think it was refreshing to see that I’m not the only former. I’ve also found great value and joy in reading the Morning Person newsletter, so I’m happy to see she has a podcast with the interviews from her newsletter!
🥗 Tomato Cucumber Mozzarella Salad - I have made some version of this salad at least once every few months of my adult life. The combination of avocados, cucumbers, olive oil, and tomatoes is always a winner. I also like this salad with just tomatoes, cucumbers, avocado, spring onions, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and feta cheese. If I feel like I need more protein, I add a bit of tuna to it too. It’s one of my favorite warm-weather salads!
Thanks for reading, friends! As always, listen along to a little caffeinated playlist! I’m always adding to it when I hear awesome songs. I also want to start an online book club for this newsletter, so let me know if you’re interested in the comments…
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