Issue 2 | Why I Moved to the UK
Some thoughts on moving abroad, taking risks, and three things I'm loving...
a little caffeinated is a weekly newsletter by yours truly coming into your inbox like a piping hot cup of coffee… This week, grab your favorite hot beverage, get cozy, and let me tell you about my big move…
“I have some news…” It was 2014 and I could barely contain my excitement as I rounded up my group of friends and began to share… “I got the job!” Blank stares looked back at me for a few seconds until one by one, realization dawned on their faces. Soon, we were all buzzing with excitement, and celebrating over a pizza and a couple of glasses of wine, at my imminent adventure, and their newly founded excuse for future travel; I had accepted a 1-year contract position at my company’s UK branch in Kingston upon Hull. I was moving to England!
Most of my family and friends thought I was crazy. The fact that I accepted a job in a foreign city I had never visited, despite the lack of positive information online and only encountering negative comments, left everyone puzzled. I had spent no more than 5 days in England throughout my entire life (all during a weekend trip during my study abroad semester in college), and apart from my occasional online interactions with my British coworkers, I lacked any substantial connections in my future city.
In truth, I was going a little crazy. My boyfriend at the time and I had ended things a few months prior to me making the decision to move. I desperately needed to not be in the same city as him, and even better if I could leave the country. Additionally, I was living with my mom, and not very happy. We were clashing and I was dreading being at home.
During this period of my life, I was in an endless cycle of coming home after a stressful 10-hour workday, spending 2 hours or more on the road, only to quickly eat something comforting, get yelled at by my mother about my weight gain, crash in my bed, and then do it all over again the next day. I wanted to move, but not just to new housing in a different part of town. I needed a massive lifestyle change.
The job offer came to me like a gulp of fresh air after coming up from underwater. In many ways, it felt like a lifeline. I initially expressed my interest in relocating to the UK to our director one day in the break room when he was visiting our branch in Colorado. He humored me and said to keep an eye out for any job postings and opportunities and to reach out to the manager of the relevant department I was interested in. I didn’t think anything would come out of it, but a role opened up, I applied, interviewed, was selected, packed my bags, and took the biggest risk of my life. What was going to be a one-year stint, turned into 5 rewarding years.
As I reflect on the experience years later, especially having since moved back to Colorado, I frequently admire that fearless 25-year-old who did not think twice about taking a big leap. My childhood as an immigrant in the US, coupled with the constant house moves and school transitions I experienced growing up, shaped me into quite the chameleon. I was no stranger to change, or stepping outside of my comfort zone. These experiences fostered in me the ability to confront challenges head-on, make swift decisions, and readily adapt to any situation that crossed my path. As a result, I felt empowered to seize opportunities. The world was my oyster.
As I've grown older, with increased responsibilities, comforts, and fears, I've noticed a significant diminishing of my once expansive horizons, especially after the pandemic… It’s not that opportunities aren’t out there… I am scared to take the same kind of risks. These days, there are so many voices in my head causing me to second-guess my instinct and doubt myself. In the past, I could only hear one voice: my own.
I don’t think I’m alone. Research confirms that risk-taking changes over time depending on age and gender, but especially professional and ‘recreational risk-taking’ decreases from the 20s to middle age (at 34, I’m teetering dangerously close to the line of demarcation). We hit a certain age, and then, all of a sudden, there are lots of excuses or reasons why we can’t do something we really want to do. It’s natural that we lose sight of our adventurous, risk-taking, younger selves when we acquire more creature comforts, have children, build our nests, and that typically happens as we get older. Our risks become less risky and we choose to play it safe.
But playing it safe doesn’t normally lead to experiencing satisfaction and growth, at least in my experience. The moments of my life that I experienced the most growth and ultimately, the most satisfaction, were when I took risks and pushed my boundaries.
I think I still carry that younger, braver version of myself, but it’s harder and harder to remember how to put myself out there and take risks. She was a little more free-spirited, a little less calculated than present-day me. I don’t want to doubt myself and whether I’m capable of pursuing a business idea only because I’m scared of how people will perceive it (and me), or hesitate on applying to go back to school because ‘what if this is a huge and costly mistake??’. But, what would younger Ana do? I think she would jump head first in the face of an obstacle and figure it out as she goes.
I’ll leave you with a quote from You Could Make This Place Beautiful, a book I am reading and loving…
“… We are all nesting dolls, carrying the earlier iterations of ourselves inside. We carry the past inside us. We take ourselves—all of our selves—wherever we go.”
Maybe I can channel some of that younger Ana energy and stop putting roadblocks in front of my own feet.
What about you, Friend? What kind of risks are you taking or not lately? Please share your experiences below in the comments where you took chances and learned a thing or two!
Here are three things I’m loving this week…
📖 You Could Make This Place Beautiful - Maggie Smith reflects on the dissolution of her marriage and the rediscovery of herself through incredible storytelling and poetry. I haven’t finished reading her memoir yet, but its beauty and rawness are keeping me intrigued. I keep highlighting quote after insightful quote… There are just soo many!
🎧 The Good Witch - This album by Maisie Peters just came out and it’s giving me Taylor-Swift-circa-2019 vibes. The album has great vocals, the music is punchy, and it sounds fierce and vulnerable at the same time. I particularly like “Coming of Age”, “Body Better”, “The Good Witch”, and “Want You Back”. PS - I added the songs to the a little caffeinated playlist on Spotify. Check it out!
🥘 Bibimbap - I’m on a Bibimbap kick lately. Korean is one of my favorite cuisines and I find myself craving it more lately, especially since it’s getting warm here, and for some reason, I find Korean food really light and refreshing. Whenever I work at the office on Tuesdays, I buy some at the deli near my work. Bibimbap couldn’t be that hard to make, especially since the ingredients are pretty basic. Next time I get a craving, I’m going to try this recipe.
Some more thoughts…
I went camping this weekend with zero access to my computer and a wifi signal (which was exactly what I needed) and hence, this is coming out on a Thursday morning instead of the Monday morning like I was originally anticipating (sorry!). If you’re interested in joining a virtual/substack bookclub, please vote or leave a comment expressing your interest and I’ll figure out how to get one started:
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