Happy MLK Jr day to everyone! (I obviously wrote this yesterday) This day feels even more meaningful given all that’s going on in the US right now. I’m taking some time to reflect on Dr. King’s words and what I can do better, in this chapter in my life and in this chapter of our country’s history, to show up for the marginalized.

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I woke up this morning to the coziest house. Outside, snow blanketed our street, our heater hummed faithfully, and all of my loves were in my bed and or near it. There is nothing quite like getting a slow start to your day. No rushing to work. No weekend activities pulling me to the door. Just pure, slow, bliss. Days like today are few and far between, especially since Dina was born.

Lately, it feels like I’ve been moving at warp speed with little sleep. I blinked, and suddenly I’m 16 months postpartum. My child is 16 MONTHS (or 1 year and 4 months, for those who do not have babies).

Because of how insanely fast my time is flying, my word of the year for 2026 is savor. I want to relish in my daughter, romanticize this period of my life, and soak up every little minute. I want to read more intentionally, eat nourishing foods, learn new things, and move my body as much as possible. I want 2026 to be the year where I get lost in a painting, spend 4 hours eating one meal with friends, and create a whimsical, beautiful world for Dina.

I don’t think I’m alone in this desire to slow down. The murmurings online show there is a growing pull toward making 2026 an “analog” year (are we all reaching for our old iPods and actual physical books?). I think we are all tired. Tired of doom-scrolling, of the surge in AI-generated content, of overconsumption, and in witnessing cruelty unfold in real time.

Technology, ChatGPT, and social media are all useful tools and do play a role in my life, but it’s easy to get lost in chaos that is the modern world. Everything this vying for your attention. I want to stay connected and informed. I also want to protect my peace, my mental health, and my energy.

And then there is the sh*t storm.

I feel like I’ve been watching the news since November 2016 (let’s be real) with my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t believe *he* won then. And after everything we’ve lived through since, I could believe it when he won again in 2024. He is not the root of all evil, but I do find him deeply despicable. Paying close attention to current events since 2017 has been draining, and, at times, has made me lose faith in a lot of people.

The news coming out of Minnesota has been heartbreaking. Whatever your interpretation of that video may be, no one should have to die just because we continue to arm racist, trigger-happy, poorly vetted men. Add that to the cuts to aid in African countries and the resulting famines, the genocide in Palestine, Russia’s war in Ukraine… and the list goes on. It’s all just so, so sad.

In the midst of all the disappointment and tragedy, I’m trying to find stillness. I’m trying to choose peace without choosing ignorance, and presence without turning away. While I want to savor all the beauty that life has to offer, I don’t want to ignore everything happening around us. I hope my New Year’s resolutions help me build towards a year full of meaning. My goal is to fill my cup so I can have enough to also show up for those around me.

Here is my list of resolutions that I hope will help me savor and make the most out of 2026:

1. Break my sugar addiction so I can enjoy sugar without bingeing. While this may not sound aligned with the word of the year, savor, I think it is. Sugar/alcohol became my crutch when I was low on energy or when I was wanting to relax. I’m currently doing the Whole30 with an emphasis on listening to my own body and the signals it was sending. I want to be able to enjoy and savor one glass of wine or a piece of chocolate without needing a second and a third.

2. Find ways to move my body that align with my chaotic schedule. I’ve already started doing this at the end of last year, but I want to carry this goal with me throughout 2026. For a long time, I treated exercise like an all-or-nothing event. If I couldn’t fit a Crossfit workout 5 days a week, then why work out at all?

   Instead, I’ve been squeezing in movement wherever I can: a 30 minute yoga session on my living room floor after putting Dina to bed, an exercise class at lunch when I’m in the office, or a 20 minute walk around the block before bed. I’m not a morning person and I’ll likely never be, especially in this stage of my life, when Dina wakes up 2-3 times a night, every night. I can barely wake up to get to work, let alone wake up to go to the gym at 6 am, so I’m making do with what I’ve got.

3. Learning about and enjoying art again. When I was in high school, I was in IB. A few friends took the higher-level visual arts class, and I remember feeling a little sad that I didn’t have room in my schedule to take it too. Since then, I’ve learned that that class was extremely stressful and time-consuming, and while I don’t care to bring anymore stress into my life, I love the idea of seeking out art, writing about its background and history in an art diary, and reflecting on how it makes me feel. I took an art history class in college and if I had the money and the life conditions that would permit, I would have totally majored in it! It was by far, my favorite class.

   When I lived in Europe, I used to go to museums often and - I was thinking about this the other day - I haven’t been to an art museum in years. I also want to complete one creative piece this year. I have so many unfinished projects: embroidery, unfinished pysanky, paint-by-numbers painting, a knitting kit, and the list goes on.

   I really like the idea of a personal curriculum. I’ll expand on this in a future post!

4. Be more intentional and focused with my career and finances. I’m at a point where I’m actively thinking about what’s next for me, career-wise. I am balancing a desire to slow down, with a real sense of ambition. There is a pull to grow, be challenged, and move forward. I don’t need more right now, but I want something that feels aligned.

   I want to be more thoughtful about where I direct my energy professionally, creatively, and financially. I want to pursue growth and progress without burnout, and I never want to have to choose between growth and success and my family (my family will win). I want to experience depth, meaning, and alignment, over constant motion.

   My finances are closely tied to this, as they are an area I want to improve and not just ignore and make more money. I’m becoming more aware of how I shop out. Usually, it’s out of boredom or restlessness, and I want to be more intentional about what I bring into my life.

   Ultimately, I want to want less. I want to consume less, both materially and mentally, and I want to invest that energy into being more deliberate in my professional career, as well as my personal life.

5. Rediscover myself after postpartum. Postpartum has been one of the most challenging and beautiful seasons of my life. They aren’t exaggerating when they call it the fourth trimester. Caring for a tiny human makes everything fade away into the background, including yourself.

   This year, I want to focus on feeling like myself again. I had passions and interests before becoming a mother, and while this season doesn’t allow the same time or energy for them, I don’t want to lose them entirely. I want to curate a life full of things that feels meaningful, layered, and authentic. I want a life that makes room for both motherhood and the person I am outside of it.

   My daughter is everything to me, and I also want her to grow up seeing a mother who is curious, engaged, and well cared for. A mother who loves to learn, move her body, cook, travel, play, and tends to her own well-being. This ‘rediscovery’ resolution will show up in small tangible ways: my personal style, how I care for my body, and how I support my emotional well being.

Do you still do resolutions? What are your hopes for this year? Comment below in the chat!

Three things I’m enjoying this week…

1. From Zero to Well-Read (click for Spotify or Apple Podcasts) - This podcast has been a recent addition to my rotation. Along with my goal to read more, I want to improve my retention and get some more meaning out of what I read, rather than consume for the sake of consuming. I’ve only listened to a few episodes, but I am really enjoying revisiting some of the old books I read. The Great Gatsby episode was really enjoyable, and I’m looking forward to listening to One Hundred Years of Solitude next!

2. Pluribus (on Apple TV) - I finished this season and have been really enjoying the show. The premise is that an alien virus infects almost everyone on earth, and they all become a singular ‘we’. Carol, a romance author who hasn’t been honest about her own life, has to now face the hive mind. She, a perpetually unhappy person, has to contend with the apparent happiness of the collective ‘we’ and figure out how and if she can save the world. I like that it’s more philosophical in nature rather than a zombie, apocalyptic, jump-scare.

3. Night Songs by Alli Dyer - (available for pre-order. Release date is August 11, 2026). I was given an early copy of this book on NetGalley to read and review. I’m about 20% of the way through it and really am enjoying it. Rhea grew up living at her terrible aunt and uncle’s house. She finds out that she is the heiress to the former country singer Lulabelle Powers. She not only inherits her fortune, but also inherits her mother’s secret!

   If you like what you’re reading, please subscribe and share my newsletter. It’s at no cost to you and goes a long way to helping me make something out of this little newsletter.

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1. Mid-week lunches at the Whole Foods by my work. I didn’t know Whole Foods actually had a proper food hall until a few months ago, but I have been enjoying coming in on my lunch break, perusing the aisles, and then (usually) getting a box of sushi to eat. This week I also opted for the tiramisu and it felt decadent. Whole Foods cakes are the next level.

   

2. We already put up our Christmas decorations. I never thought I’d be THAT person - that neighbor who puts Christmas lights up before it’s even Thanksgiving. But there is something about having a kid that makes you want to do more things that might, on the off-chance, bring them joy. Ultimately, seeing her in awe at all the lights made all of it worth it.

   

3. This dry shampoo. I think it’s been at least over a decade since I’ve felt that I have nice hair and guys, I finally feel like I have nice hair. It’s not just this dry shampoo. I got a Dyson airwrap for my birthday and it’s been a game changer. But I am also extremely greasy, and if I go one day without washing my hair, everyone knows. When I bought this salon-grade dry shampoo, I didn’t really think it would be any less ineffective than drug store dry shampoos, but it’s been a game-changer. My hair actually looks clean much longer! It’s a Christmas miracle.

   

4. Squeezing in workouts where I can and being forgiving with myself when I can’t. Like I said earlier, I’ve been battling a cough for a week and a half now, and it’s put a cramp in my plans to try and get back on the fitness wheel. But this week, I’ve been feeling much better, although still coughing, and I tried to see how I can fit more exercise in. I went to the gym once this week during my lunch break, worked out in my garage once, went on a few walks, and then went to the gym by my house. I’m hoping that all these tiny efforts add up in the long run, but I’m already feeling the benefits.

   

5. My morning coffee at home is the best coffee ever. Not to be dramatic, but she is perfect. I don’t know what it is about that morning coffee that I brew at home, but it’s far better than my work coffee, than the coffee shop by my house, and than Starbucks. And I think it might even be Starbucks grounds, but for whatever reason, my machine has it dialed in. Did I master the grounds to water ratio? Is it voodoo magic? We will never know, but I think this really has been the first time in my adult life that I’ve been this excited about my morning cup of jo.

Post in the comments what’s been bringing you joy this week! I love to hear about it!

Hi Friends!

Looking back at my life in February 2024 when I wrote my last Substack post, I was experiencing imposter syndrome, winter blues, and trying to make sense of my life…

Since then, I’ve had some… extreme life changes. I found out I was pregnant, I grew that little human, gave birth, survived the newborn stage, navigated breastfeeding and returning to work, and somewhere in the midst of this, I’ve been trying to find myself. If I thought I felt like an imposter then, boy, do I feel like one now!

Somehow, my little one is a one (!!) year old! I feel like I blinked at the start of 2024, and am now finally opening my eyes and it’s almost the end of 2025. This has been the most beautiful, messy, overwhelming, rewarding, emotional, and humbling experience of my life (thus far). And somewhere amidst the chaos, I’m trying to carve out space for gentler routines, exploring my creative and softer side, rediscover things that bring me joy, and trying to find a place to write again. So… hi. Here I am again. A little older, a lot more caffeinated, and leaning into a gentler way of living (as much as my toddler will allow).

So it feels like the right time to return to this lovely little corner of the internet. Over the next few weeks, here are a few series you can look forward to:

☕️ A Morning Brew

This will be a place where I share some photos, things I’m feeling, and three things that I want to recommend.

✨ Five Things

This post is where I share my five tiny joys, wins, comforts, or rituals from the week.

🌿 Occasional longer reflections

When I have the bandwidth, I will try to write a longer essay about topics such as motherhood, finding balance, productivity, career, wellness, and gentle living.

If you’ve been here from the beginning, thank you 🙏. If you’re new, welcome. I hope this space feels like stepping into a cafe with a friend, getting cozy on the sofa, and catching up about all things lovely.

See you later today for Five Things!

a little caffeinated is my little corner of the internet. This week, I’m working through paralyzing imposter syndrome, feeling the back-to-work/winter blues, and what I’m doing to deal with it.

The Recap

So it’s been a minute or two (or 7 months) since I last wrote a newsletter or blog post. Let me catch you up since July…

🙇🏼‍♀️ I dabbled with going back to school by taking a programming class at my alma mater during the fall semester. While I loved the class (and even got an A-), it took up all my free time after working a full-time job and it left me exhausted. It left me without any mental energy to pursue any of my creative outlets, such as this newsletter, and that bummed me out. How does one work full-time, and go back to school, without losing your soul/spirit/personality in the process? Asking for a friend.

🏒 While my mental energy tank was empty, I somehow had enough physical energy to continue playing lots of hockey (my first season ever playing was last summer). I went up to Breckenridge for the Oktoberfest Women’s Hockey Tournament and signed up with a random team. It was such a blast and they made me feel welcome and like I had a great community, so I joined their team in addition to my beer-league hockey team.

🎂 I celebrated turning 35 by going to 2 Halloween parties (I’m an October 29th baby), playing hockey, going to a sushi dinner with family, another sushi dinner with friends, another dinner with another side of my family, and escaping to Steamboat Springs for a weekend with my husband.

🎄 We spent Christmas and New Year’s visiting my in-laws in Spain, and it was nice to see everyone. I was sick for nearly the entire trip which was unfortunate, but it’s also something that seems to happen as soon as my body says "ok, you can rest now”. Can anyone else relate?

And on to imposter syndrome…

You may have noticed that I’ve been super quiet on my blog and my newsletter for quite some time. Part of this has been due to my demanding schedule, especially with adding a class into the mix of working full-time and trying to make time for relationships and hobbies. However, another part of my absence is due to feeling like an imposter (see imposter syndrome). Imposter syndrome has been seeping into every area of my life, leaving me questioning myself in my day job as an engineer, writing my blog, and even this newsletter. Questions such as “Who do I think I am that people will want to read what I write?” or “Am I good enough at my job to defend my point of view with my coworker?” have left me paralyzed with inaction and quiet when I should speak up.

After reading the article I linked to above, the kind of imposter syndrome that I resonate with the most is “The Expert”. It’s a constant struggle for me to move past that feeling of inadequacy; I’m left thinking that I have nothing to offer the world if I’m not an expert in whatever discipline.

There are a couple of issues with this mind loop. First, I won’t ever be an expert in anything if I abandon all the things I could be working on improving (re: writing). Second, what other people in my life tell me about me, doesn’t align with my negative self-talk. I have proven myself very capable in many ways, but yet, I am often the last one to see this.

So these are little things I’m trying to shift in my mindset. I’m trying to just go for it (whatever it may be) even if it feels a little uncomfortable. I’m trying to eliminate the “you can’t do this” self-talk, and replace it with encouragement.

Dealing with imposter syndrome is kind of like procrastinating on ripping off a bandaid in a particularly hairy part of your body. You know you need to just do it and get those feelings over with, but you keep putting off the inevitable discomfort, and the patch of raw, vulnerable, exposed flesh you’re about to have. Coming back to this newsletter, for one, is me accepting that this bandaid has been abandoned a little too long. I know I’m going to wrestle with some uncomfortable feelings at first, but it’s going to be refreshing once I’m past the self-doubt, and doing what I love a lot more regularly.

I can’t be alone in this… I want to know, in what areas of your life are you experiencing imposter syndrome (if any) and what are you doing to work through it? Comment below - I’m sure it would be helpful for others to read about your own experiences too.

And now on to winter blues and some things I’ve been doing to take care of myself…

This winter has been especially hard on me. Having grown up in Colorado, I’m normally one with winter™️. But this year, between me starting the year off with 3 different colds, facing a really (REALLY) cold spell in the Front Range, and not seeing the sunlight on weekdays thanks to my office job, I’m over this winter.

Many people struggle with seasonal affective disorder, and while I’m not sure I have it, I do notice a general shift in my mood and overall well-being when I don’t take care of the basics (drinking enough water, getting enough sunlight, exercising regularly, and eating well… see meme above) during this season. Coming out of a cold, miserable winter unscathed is only achievable with a lot of tender, loving, self-care.

Some ways that I implement self-care that make me feel better:

1. Listening to music on my vinyl player instead of my phone

2. Cooking comforting meals like this one

3. Sitting under 30 blankets (it’s a vibe)

4. Doing some extravagant skincare routines

5. Going on daily walks, even if they are short

6. Calling friends to talk, rather than just scrolling on my phone

7. Sitting in the hot sauna at my gym

8. Planning a cute outfit the night before going to work so that I don’t have to think about it in the morning

9. Drinking around 3L of water a day (seriously, it’s dry here and I get headaches if I don’t stay hydrated)

10. Getting cozy in bed and reading a good book.

These are tried and true methods that almost instantly boost my mood. My days are so much better when I maximize the time I stay in bed in the morning (I am not a morning person at all), so it helps to get a lot of my to-dos out of the way the evening before. Normally, I push myself to work out, eat clean, and keep busy, but lately, I have been embracing comfort food, getting into bed earlier, and my blanket burrito lifestyle.

What are your favorite ways to cheer yourself up and take care of yourself during these cold winter months?

A few (random but interesting) links…

It’s soup season and I’m going to be making this one and this one again soon. This Costco Street Taco Kit is a huge favorite in my house and makes frequent reappearances. I really (really) enjoyed Fargo Season 5 (tw: domestic violence). The acting is incredible and it’s got a very heavy ‘girl power’ vibe. I’m currently reading Argylle and can’t stop thinking about this conspiracy theory… Loved Victoria Monét’s and Olivia Rodrigo’s dresses at the Grammy’s last night…

Three things I’m enjoying this week…

1. The Retrievals - I think I learned about this podcast through an advertisement on another podcast I was listening to, and the topic intrigued me. The premise is that hundreds of women were going to a fertility center for egg retrievals, and experiencing an unexpected amount of excruciating pain during what should have been a fairly painless procedure. Without going into too many details, it was discovered that one of the nurses was diverting Fentanyl for her own use. It raises a lot of important questions like, how do we as a society or justice system decide whose pain was worse, why do women consistently get ignored when they express they are experiencing pain, and why are larger healthcare organizations, like Yale University, failing to put systems in place to prevent things like this from happening in the first place?

2. Big Reds Original Hot Sauce - When I was in Steamboat Springs last summer, I stopped by Big Reds Hot Sauce stand at the local farmers market. I am a sucker for hot sauce, especially on eggs. I have to say, I’m impressed with the flavor. There are a few different levels of heat, and I got the original one. It’s not spicy to me at all (and I can handle a lot of heat). I think that makes it perfect for breakfast food, where I don’t want to overwhelm my stomach too much.

3. Forest App - As someone with ADHD who is choosing to not use medication, I find myself getting very easily distracted by my phone. I love using this app, especially when I need to work for short windows of time. It’s easy to use and the premise is really cute. Before starting your window of work, you select the tree or shrub you would like to plant, select the amount of time you’d like to concentrate, and then hit start. If you leave the app before your time is up (aka - if you are tempted to look at social media or whatever distracts you) you kill your tree. The goal is to plant a forest. You can also raise the stakes and select ‘kill your forest’ if you leave the app, which is what I have mine set to. This is awesome for back-to-school, or just getting more done at work.

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Thanks for reading… As always, feel free to listen along to a little caffeinated playlist. I added a few songs my friends introduced me to during a road trip to Steamboat Springs last summer, and a few other songs I’ve discovered recently!

If you like what you’re reading, please subscribe and share my newsletter. It’s at no cost to you and goes a long way to helping me make something out of my little corner of the internet.

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FYI - I occasionally use affiliate links and may earn a small commission for some of the links I share (if you choose to purchase them). This is all at zero cost to you but definitely supports this newsletter. I promise to only use links for things that I actually like, want, or use myself.

a little caffeinated is a weekly newsletter by yours truly coming into your inbox like a piping hot cup of coffee… This week, grab your favorite hot (or cold) beverage, get cozy, and let’s chat about what it means to be original or conformist, and whether or not you can be both…

When we were school-aged, there is social pressure to try and be like everyone else. However, I’ve noticed during college years and beyond, there seems to be more and more pressure to be unique, constantly reinvent yourself, and be the MOST original, interesting person ever. Admitting you like something that is deemed to be mainstream automatically brands you as unoriginal and boring. People are in a constant search for the most fringe music, movies, activities, travels, or whatever. What if, in fact, the act of striving for constant originality inadvertently leads to a new form of conformity?

o·rig·i·nal·i·ty noun The ability to think independently and creatively. The quality of being novel or unusual.

con·form·i·ty noun Compliance with standards, rules, or laws. Behavior in accordance with socially accepted conventions or standards.

- The Oxford English Dictionary

I have done the whole fringe music, fringe movies, fringe fill-in-the-blank. And guess what? I admit there were a few *fringe* things that I have enjoyed, but more often than not, they are not interesting to me. I keep coming back to the activities, music, things, and foods that are tried and true, and that I KNOW I will love.

Jokingly, I refer to myself as super basic. I love my Lululemon leggings, playing Pokemon Go, and red wine. I enjoy reading romance novels and fashion blogs. I LOVE Taylor Swift (PS - I went to her concert on Friday and IT WAS AWESOME). I recognize that a lot of my interests or affinities are mainstream and are considered ‘basic’, but these are some of the things that I truly enjoy.

Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s important to try new things, read books that aren’t your usual genre, try different cuisines, and listen to a wide array of music. Everyone should push their boundaries, but the end goal should be to find enjoyment in something new or to learn something.

Throughout the process of listening to different types of music, I’ve learned I love music that has strong female vocals, tells a good story, and has lyrics I can sing along to. So, basically, all of Taylor Swift’s music. But whenever she comes up in conversation, I get some O-PIN-IONS. Usually, if I mention that I like any other musician, I’m met with indifference or agreement. With Taylor, the responses I usually get are in agreement (yay fellow Swifties!) or a very negative response.

Riding the high from the concert on Friday, I opened up Instagram to see what photos or videos were circulating. I made the mistake to look at the comments on some of them and was taken aback by how much negativity was posted in relation to something that was meant to be a fun experience. People were not just making digs at the expensive tickets (fair), but also women and girls who love her music. We are considered ‘wack’, ‘dumb’, ‘morons’, ‘basic’, ‘unoriginal’, and the list goes on.

But how does genuinely enjoying something make you unoriginal? Life is far too short to force yourself to listen to music that doesn’t make you happy just to be able to say you’re a music snob.

Doing the things that are considered ‘mainstream’ can be really interesting and unique parts of your personality too. I have a career in Biotech, lived abroad, love watching productivity youtube videos, speak three languages, play ice hockey, enjoy cooking, listen to house music, Spanish flamenco music, Ukrainian pop, AND love Taylor Swift. Go on, tell me I’m not original 😏. The point I am trying to make is that being original or conformist is not mutually exclusive, and maybe embracing both of these aspects will make you live a far richer life.

So, if you like blasting Taylor Swift in your car while driving to work, and this brings you immense joy, fret not! You are living your best, most original, authentic life, no matter what other people say. Remember those haters gonna hate, hate, hate, so shake it off! (Ok, that was cringe lol, I can’t help myself).

Are you a ‘snob’ in some area (i.e. music, beer, coffee, wine, food, etc.)? Do you find yourself judging people for liking mainstream things? Why do you think that is? Let’s start a conversation in the comments!

A few (random but interesting) links…

How to ask for a raise. What makes a kiss amazing? Why it’s important to remember concert etiquette. I’m kind of nostalgic for the life we had before cell phones… Have you downloaded Threads yet? I’ve found it to be much more fun than the twitters. If you make your way there, let's be friends! And last but not least, here are some tips to get back into reading if you find that you’re in a rut…

Three things I’m enjoying this week…

1. La Colombe - My brother brought a case home of this coffee, and I am now officially hooked. Iced or cold coffee is not my go-to drink, even in the summer (I know, I know, I’m a monster 🙄…), but I think La Colombe is changing that and will be a staple going forward. I love how well it’s blended, it’s not too sweet, and I don’t have obnoxious ice cubes hitting my teeth because it’s in a can and kept in the fridge. Consider this my declaration that La Colombe is my official drink of summer.

2. H/JACK (Apple TV+) - Idris Elba is an incredible (and extremely good-looking) actor (🥵), so I was curious to check out this show. Guys, I’m hooked. I am a very nervous flyer, which is maybe why this has been a VERY intense experience for me. My anxiety is through the roof, but I’m here for it. It’s coming out every Wednesday and you need an Apple TV+ subscription but if you do have one, don’t miss out!

3. Banyan Moon - This book has been all over the interwebs since its release, so I wanted to get it a try. I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve been enjoying it so far. Although it reads a little choppy to me (I was struggling to understand a few key events that I thought were crucial to the plot), I really love multigenerational stories that have very strong-willed women at the center (I also loved Pachinko!).

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Thanks for reading… As always, feel free to listen along to a little caffeinated playlist where I’m frequently updating it with songs that I’m loving. Also, if you’re interested in an online book club, comment below!

If you like what you’re reading, please subscribe and share my newsletter. It’s at no cost to you and goes a long way to helping me make something out of this little newsletter.

Share a little caffeinated

FYI - I occasionally use affiliate links and may earn a small commission for some of the links I share (if you choose to purchase them). This is all at zero cost to you but definitely supports this newsletter. I promise to only use links for things that I actually like, want, or use myself.

a little caffeinated is a weekly newsletter by yours truly coming into your inbox like a piping hot cup of coffee… This week, grab your favorite hot (or cold) beverage, get cozy, and let’s chat about making the most of where you live…

Although I wasn’t born in Colorado, I grew up here. However, I spent most of my teens and early 20s dreaming of the moment when I would leave. It’s not that I didn’t love this place. Colorado is beautiful, and Denver and Boulder are vibrant cities, but for some reason, I imagined that life elsewhere would be better. I imagined that in a new place, I would be someone much more worldly, trying new things, having the ability to reinvent myself and that I’d be happier.

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In college, I figured out that in order to be happy, I needed to study abroad. Spain was going to fix my problems. After spending hours looking at maps, reading reviews of Study Abroad programs, and city descriptions, I decided on Alicante. Alicante was indeed magical. It had a castle and a beach, so what more could I want? I excelled in my classes and fell in love with the culture and the people. I was happy, for a time.

Study abroad programs all have an expiry date. I was not going to be able to be there long-term. I came back to Colorado extremely depressed, struggled to finish university, and found a job in pharma. Being back in Colorado after studying abroad was like waking up from the most wonderful dream, and then realizing it’s not real life. I thought the solution to my problem would be to move again.

After a few years in the industry, I got a job and moved to the UK (read why I did it here). It was also pretty wonderful. I was traveling more, getting to visit and know my new country, and living my dream life. I had a solid group of friends and felt like I could make a life there. My boyfriend and I were long-distance but we were visiting each other often and got to travel to other parts of Europe for mini-getaways. I was happy, for a time.

Things started getting stressful, and I was unhappy again. I felt overworked and unappreciated and this feeling was exacerbated when layoffs hit my company and I was made redundant. I was pretty uncertain about a lot of things, but I knew I had 60 days to leave the country, due to my visa being tied directly to my employment at that place. My then-boyfriend (now-husband) told me to come to Spain, and so I did. That first year was incredible. I enjoyed my new home, my new job, spending time with my family and friends, and all the hours at the beach. I was happy, for a time.

Covid hit, then another round of layoffs. I was once again jobless, uncertain, and depressed. Oh, and trapped in our apartment due to all the pandemic restrictions. I did what everyone did during that time to try and find some semblance of normality and maybe some happiness. I exercised almost daily, made Dalgona coffee, successfully knitted a scarf, watched Tiger King, and read so many books, but I was still so unhappy. When things started opening up again, I couldn’t shake the feeling of discontentment, despite finally being able to do all the things that I thought would make me happy while we were in lockdown.

I never thought that I would willingly look for jobs back in the US, but practically, it made sense. I wasn’t going to find a job any time soon where I could recover financially in Europe, and at that moment, the lack of money was directly proportional to the lack of happiness. But if I couldn’t be happy in one of the most beautiful places with unlimited access to the Mediterranean, where could I be happy?

I moved back to Colorado - back home. It was a difficult decision and transition. I missed my husband and Europe terribly. However, I chose to not wallow and I started a new job, found a tribe, bought a condo, and started feeling some stability. Additionally, I started feeling something else… My happiness was no longer tied to where I was located, where I was working, or what I was doing. I was beginning to find contentment within myself.

The lesson in all of this is that happiness is not a place. Happiness starts with listening to your inner voice and trusting yourself. I learned that I am someone who, in order to feel happy, needs to experience wonder, novelty, and newness. I am also, paradoxically, a creature of comfort and can easily get sucked into a mundane routine. This then causes me to feel anxious and trapped. That’s what happened in my previous life in Colorado, and everywhere else. I worked, came home, worked, came home, rinse… repeat… My inner voice wanted more, but I was too tired to give it anything else.

On the journey to discovering how to experience wonder, novelty, and newness, my group of friends was instrumental in showing me how to make the most out of our city - the city I spent my whole life trying to escape. My discontentment stemmed from thinking the ‘grass is greener on the other side’ in all areas of my life, but especially where I lived. Happiness is something you have to actively cultivate, and I’ve started to experience more of it since I started romanticizing my life. I don’t have to cross oceans or go to far-off places to feel happy - I can feel it right at home.

How to romanticize the city you live in (and some suggestions for those of you in Denver)…

1. Go for walks in a part of town you haven’t been to recently with a good podcast, audiobook, or album you’re excited to listen to (check out these suggestions for some good walks). Walking outdoors regularly with Nala (my doggy) has been one of the most effective ways I’ve improved my mental health. Getting sunlight, fresh air, and learning something new are such underrated ways to cultivate happiness, with the added bonus that you can discover new neighborhoods, coffee shops, murals, and restaurants all at the same time.

2. Get a cup of coffee at a coffee shop you haven’t been to before (here is a good list to work through) and spend some time reading a new book, journaling, or even people-watching. Make a Saturday morning of it. I used to do this when I was living abroad and it made me feel like I was a main character in a movie. Sipping on a coffee (or whatever beverage you enjoy) and people-watching can be SO entertaining and it also makes you wonder what their stories are. We spend so much time looking down into our phones, that we miss a lot of life happening around us.

3. Go camping or picnicking nearby. When I am getting ready to go camping, it’s such a huge ordeal. It requires planning half a year in advance in order to reserve a good spot deep into the mountains. Last summer, my friends and I opted for a camping spot just outside of Denver at a reservoir and we had the best time. We didn’t need to have a grand trip to enjoy the great outdoors. We hardly spent any money on gas and we were close to home if we needed something urgent. We brought food and alcohol, my friends had paddle boards, and we spent the whole day swimming in the lake. One of the best memories of this trip (and my life) was when Nala discovered she loved to swim and proceeded to spend hours doing laps with the happiest doggy face.

4. Join a club or group of people that do activities you like. I’m not the most confident solo hiker, so I find myself limited to populated trails. Going with a group enabled me to get out into the wilderness and see some beautiful scenery I wouldn’t normally see on my own. It was also nice to know that people were in the same boat as me - trying to make new friends and connections. Check out Meet Up, or Facebook for groups in your area. Since not a lot of my friends are avid hikers, I had to look outside our friend group to fill that need. I found hiking and book clubs through these apps, and it’s been great getting to know new people with common interests. I have also found a community through my Crossfit gym and even joined their ice hockey team. Ice hockey has been one of the highlights of the summer for me!

5. Revisit places you think you already know. The last time I had been to Vail was when I was a little girl, so I had an image of what it was like and didn’t think I need to revisit it any time soon. With my friends from Spain visiting me this summer, I thought maybe it would be nice to show them the internationally famous city and spend an afternoon there. I didn’t think I was going to love it so much. Vail looks like something out of a fairytale. It made me realize that something I may have taken for granted as a child, is something I can experience differently as an adult.

6. Change up your nightlife routine. As comfortable as your local dive bar is, sometimes you need to change things up. The other day, I found the cutest gin and whiskey distillery near Denver Milk Market and enjoyed a nice cocktail. Another night, a friend visiting from out of town invited us to meet up with him at a fun bar in RiNo, an area I rarely frequent. I’ve lived here almost my whole life, and I’ve never really taken advantage of our vibrant nightlife and bar scene, because I go to the 2-3 bars that I know, and don’t venture elsewhere.

7. Do touristy things in your own city. After having done a lot of the ‘fun’ Denver things as a kid, I didn’t really think about repeating them as an adult. However, doing some of these touristy things again as an adult is such a different experience. Denver Botanic Gardens, a place I’ve been to at least a few times as a kid, was a completely different experience as an adult. For starters, I am obsessed with flowers. This year during tulip season, I had the best time walking around, catching up with my friends, taking photos of everything, and literally stopping to smell the flowers.

What is ‘greener grass’ for you? Do you think that if you had x or y, a different job, or lived in a specific place, you would be happier? Share your thoughts below!

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Here are three things I’m loving this week…

1. 📖 Magic Lessons - I love a good witchy story and this prequel to Practical Magic is great. I think I read it in one weekend. Set in the 1600s, Maria Owens is abandoned as a baby in England and eventually learns to harness witchcraft under the tutelage of her new guardian. As a young woman, she falls in love with a man and she follows him to Salem, Massachusettes, only to learn different kinds of lessons…

2. 🎧 Embracing the Art of Being Alone with Francesca Specter (Morning Person Podcast) - (Apple links here and here) - As someone who has always been an extrovert, I used to consider alone time unnecessary and even bothersome. Lately, however, I find that I love being alone more and more and especially after spending lots of time with people (is this me getting old??), but it’s been hard to find the language to describe what I’m feeling. Nothing really gets it quite right. Francesca’s term ‘alonement’ put a positive spin on the need to be alone, and I think it was refreshing to see that I’m not the only former. I’ve also found great value and joy in reading the Morning Person newsletter, so I’m happy to see she has a podcast with the interviews from her newsletter!

3. 🥗 Tomato Cucumber Mozzarella Salad - I have made some version of this salad at least once every few months of my adult life. The combination of avocados, cucumbers, olive oil, and tomatoes is always a winner. I also like this salad with just tomatoes, cucumbers, avocado, spring onions, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and feta cheese. If I feel like I need more protein, I add a bit of tuna to it too. It’s one of my favorite warm-weather salads!

Thanks for reading, friends! As always, listen along to a little caffeinated playlist! I’m always adding to it when I hear awesome songs. I also want to start an online book club for this newsletter, so let me know if you’re interested in the comments…

If you like what you’re reading, please subscribe and share my newsletter. It’s at no cost to you and goes a long way to helping me make something out of this little newsletter.

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FYI - I occasionally use affiliate links and may earn a small commission for some of the links I share (at zero cost to you). I promise to only use links for things that I actually like, want, or use myself!

a little caffeinated is a weekly newsletter by yours truly coming into your inbox like a piping hot cup of coffee… This week, grab your favorite hot beverage, get cozy, and let me tell you about my big move…

“I have some news…” It was 2014 and I could barely contain my excitement as I rounded up my group of friends and began to share… “I got the job!” Blank stares looked back at me for a few seconds until one by one, realization dawned on their faces. Soon, we were all buzzing with excitement, and celebrating over a pizza and a couple of glasses of wine, at my imminent adventure, and their newly founded excuse for future travel; I had accepted a 1-year contract position at my company’s UK branch in Kingston upon Hull. I was moving to England!

Most of my family and friends thought I was crazy. The fact that I accepted a job in a foreign city I had never visited, despite the lack of positive information online and only encountering negative comments, left everyone puzzled. I had spent no more than 5 days in England throughout my entire life (all during a weekend trip during my study abroad semester in college), and apart from my occasional online interactions with my British coworkers, I lacked any substantial connections in my future city.

In truth, I was going a little crazy. My boyfriend at the time and I had ended things a few months prior to me making the decision to move. I desperately needed to not be in the same city as him, and even better if I could leave the country. Additionally, I was living with my mom, and not very happy. We were clashing and I was dreading being at home.

During this period of my life, I was in an endless cycle of coming home after a stressful 10-hour workday, spending 2 hours or more on the road, only to quickly eat something comforting, get yelled at by my mother about my weight gain, crash in my bed, and then do it all over again the next day. I wanted to move, but not just to new housing in a different part of town. I needed a massive lifestyle change.

The job offer came to me like a gulp of fresh air after coming up from underwater. In many ways, it felt like a lifeline. I initially expressed my interest in relocating to the UK to our director one day in the break room when he was visiting our branch in Colorado. He humored me and said to keep an eye out for any job postings and opportunities and to reach out to the manager of the relevant department I was interested in. I didn’t think anything would come out of it, but a role opened up, I applied, interviewed, was selected, packed my bags, and took the biggest risk of my life. What was going to be a one-year stint, turned into 5 rewarding years.

As I reflect on the experience years later, especially having since moved back to Colorado, I frequently admire that fearless 25-year-old who did not think twice about taking a big leap. My childhood as an immigrant in the US, coupled with the constant house moves and school transitions I experienced growing up, shaped me into quite the chameleon. I was no stranger to change, or stepping outside of my comfort zone. These experiences fostered in me the ability to confront challenges head-on, make swift decisions, and readily adapt to any situation that crossed my path. As a result, I felt empowered to seize opportunities. The world was my oyster.

As I've grown older, with increased responsibilities, comforts, and fears, I've noticed a significant diminishing of my once expansive horizons, especially after the pandemic… It’s not that opportunities aren’t out there… I am scared to take the same kind of risks. These days, there are so many voices in my head causing me to second-guess my instinct and doubt myself. In the past, I could only hear one voice: my own.

I don’t think I’m alone. Research confirms that risk-taking changes over time depending on age and gender, but especially professional and ‘recreational risk-taking’ decreases from the 20s to middle age (at 34, I’m teetering dangerously close to the line of demarcation). We hit a certain age, and then, all of a sudden, there are lots of excuses or reasons why we can’t do something we really want to do. It’s natural that we lose sight of our adventurous, risk-taking, younger selves when we acquire more creature comforts, have children, build our nests, and that typically happens as we get older. Our risks become less risky and we choose to play it safe.

But playing it safe doesn’t normally lead to experiencing satisfaction and growth, at least in my experience. The moments of my life that I experienced the most growth and ultimately, the most satisfaction, were when I took risks and pushed my boundaries.

I think I still carry that younger, braver version of myself, but it’s harder and harder to remember how to put myself out there and take risks. She was a little more free-spirited, a little less calculated than present-day me. I don’t want to doubt myself and whether I’m capable of pursuing a business idea only because I’m scared of how people will perceive it (and me), or hesitate on applying to go back to school because ‘what if this is a huge and costly mistake??’. But, what would younger Ana do? I think she would jump head first in the face of an obstacle and figure it out as she goes.

I’ll leave you with a quote from You Could Make This Place Beautiful, a book I am reading and loving…

“… We are all nesting dolls, carrying the earlier iterations of ourselves inside. We carry the past inside us. We take ourselves—all of our selves—wherever we go.”

Maybe I can channel some of that younger Ana energy and stop putting roadblocks in front of my own feet.

What about you, Friend? What kind of risks are you taking or not lately? Please share your experiences below in the comments where you took chances and learned a thing or two!

Here are three things I’m loving this week…

1. 📖 You Could Make This Place Beautiful - Maggie Smith reflects on the dissolution of her marriage and the rediscovery of herself through incredible storytelling and poetry. I haven’t finished reading her memoir yet, but its beauty and rawness are keeping me intrigued. I keep highlighting quote after insightful quote… There are just soo many!

2. 🎧 The Good Witch - This album by Maisie Peters just came out and it’s giving me Taylor-Swift-circa-2019 vibes. The album has great vocals, the music is punchy, and it sounds fierce and vulnerable at the same time. I particularly like “Coming of Age”, “Body Better”, “The Good Witch”, and “Want You Back”. PS - I added the songs to the a little caffeinated playlist on Spotify. Check it out!

3. 🥘 Bibimbap - I’m on a Bibimbap kick lately. Korean is one of my favorite cuisines and I find myself craving it more lately, especially since it’s getting warm here, and for some reason, I find Korean food really light and refreshing. Whenever I work at the office on Tuesdays, I buy some at the deli near my work. Bibimbap couldn’t be that hard to make, especially since the ingredients are pretty basic. Next time I get a craving, I’m going to try this recipe.

Some more thoughts…

I went camping this weekend with zero access to my computer and a wifi signal (which was exactly what I needed) and hence, this is coming out on a Thursday morning instead of the Monday morning like I was originally anticipating (sorry!). If you’re interested in joining a virtual/substack bookclub, please vote or leave a comment expressing your interest and I’ll figure out how to get one started:

* I occasionally use affiliate links and may earn a small commission for some of the links I share (at zero cost to you). I promise to only use links for things that I actually like or use myself!

“If I’m going to tell a real story, I’m gonna start with my name.”

-Kendrick Lamar

I have gone by many names. My full name is Anastasiya Petrovna Kondenko. It’s a very Slavic name, which points to my history and is an integral part of my identity. I was born in Soviet Russia to a Ukrainian mother and a father of Kuban Cossack descent in the Krasnodar region in Russia and moved to the US as a toddler. I was raised exclusively by the Ukrainian side of my family, so as one can imagine, the last year and a half have been a source of so so much anguish, but that’s a post for another day.

For most of my life, I went and still go by Nastiya (what my Slavic and Spanish friends and family call me). I acquired the nickname Ana when I was living in the UK, from my British coworkers who thought Anastasiya was too long and taxing. It wasn’t my choice, necessarily, but I ended up loving the simplicity of it. Anastasiya is what I am called everywhere else, but it’s a long name for a very small person.

I’ve lived in Russia, the US, the UK, and Spain. That is also a story for another day. But for now, for today, for simplicity’s sake… I’m Ana from Denver, Colorado.

So… Who is Ana?

I’m a woman navigating my mid-30s and all that comes with it; getting older, career, marriage, long-distance relationships, splitting time between two countries, finding fulfillment, and some days, simply surviving.

You can find me drinking a cup of hot coffee year-round. I love reading fantasy, romance (the smuttier, the better), and self-development books. Some of my favorite activities include spending time with my family, friends, and dog; playing ice hockey, CrossFit, hiking, and traveling (especially to the UK and Spain); eating and cooking good food, and enjoying a good glass (or two) of red wine.

I also have a lifestyle blog, caffeineberry.com, and it’s been a source of enjoyment for me. However, I find it a little too exposed to be able to share more of my intimate thoughts and ideas. My goal with this newsletter is to have a safe space to share my thoughts, dive deeper into topics that interest me, build a community with you, dear reader, and still have space to share frivolous things I enjoy…

So… What’s next?

In an ideal world, I would like to publish this newsletter every Monday, and maybe once more during the week. For now, I’m going to keep the newsletter free, and hope that if a little caffeinated starts growing, I may consider including a paid tier for extra content. In the meantime, subscribe and share if you want to be part of this little project of mine!

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Here are 3 things I’m loving this week…

1. I bought this notebook a few months ago and use it for all my to-do lists at work, and for jotting down notes. I love that it’s dotted, making it super versatile for anything that I need.

2. My company is celebrating Juneteenth for the first time, and up until a few years ago, I did not know anything about the holiday. It’s sad, but not surprising, that enslaved people were kept in the dark about their newly found freedom for a whole two years after the Emancipation Proclamation. It’s also sad that we don’t learn about this in school. Listen to this podcast episode (click here for the Spotify link) to learn more about this holiday’s importance.

3. Keeping up with the theme of this weekend, I also bought this book (click here if you don’t want to support Amazon) and will spend a portion of my Monday off of work, reading and learning more about the history surrounding Juneteenth.

Also - I made this fun playlist full of songs I love for this newsletter and will continue to update it over time! Let me know in the comments if you use Apple Music and I can make one for that too.

* I use affiliate links and may earn a small commission for some of the links I share. I promise to only use links for things that I actually like or use myself!

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